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STRENGTH |

Tears

I cried and cried and cried.  I remember asking God the question, why must there be more pain? When will it ever be enough?  Then, an overwhelming sense of guilt gripped my heart. I whispered, God, I’m so sorry. How dare I ask about my pain, when there are so many people living in and through unimaginable situations. I should be more grateful, right? After all, look how you have blessed me! Your unfailing love, and Hand of divine favor, remain active in my life… but please… please … no more pain.  I am beyond my breaking point and can’t handle anymore! 

A cycle with me crying, feeling guilty, and repenting for not being more grateful continued for hours. It continued til my eyes hurt, and my nose became sore from wiping it, my stomach sick, and my body weak… Though I desperately wanted to care about something, anything other than poor ole me, the pain fought ferociously my ability to reason.  It simply would not allow me to focus on anything else, draining me of my strength.

Don’t believe the hype

It can happen to anyone.  Has this ever been you? Is this you right now? Being Christian, wealthy, in love, or any other condition, are not a guaranteed shield from living through circumstances that can cause a person to finally reach their breaking point. The reality is that well intended, overly zealous, have it all together people in your life, will make you feel guilty for being in pain.  Yet, like other emotions, pain is part of the human experience.

Life can be tough.  Unexpected challenges can at times, literally knock the wind out of you, leaving you feeling vulnerable and helpless.  Praying, confessing positive affirmations, stomping, sweating, spitting, and whatever else you come up with, does not always solve your immediate problem.  Many times, a person is simply left with more questions than answers. 

When in crisis, a person has difficulty managing their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors; also experiencing heightened stress symptoms of panic, defeat, and the need for relief.  At that moment, the person’s only focus, is feeling better.  Subsequently, some people will make poor choices, due to their poor emotional state, ultimately compounding the situation, and further jeopardizing their well-being.

I GET IT 

I have experienced pain in my own life to the point that I thought my heart would explode. Equally, I have witnessed tragic situations in the lives of others that were so heart wrenching, no words of comfort would suffice.  Empty clichés only add to the discomfort.  What do you say when a mother has to bury her young child? Or a family must say goodbye to their loved one whose life has been taken at the hands of a merciless, heartless, cold-blooded killer?  What do you tell the person who does right, and yet, everything is their life continues to go wrong?  

Here is what I’ve learned

Even if you could answer the hard questions, and make sense of the why, it doesn’t alter the outcome of past occurrences.  In a person’s low moment, what they need most, is strength.

• Strength from Almighty God, our heavenly Father, whose strength is complete in us, when we are weak. 
• Strength can be found in our relationships with people.  Everyone needs someone to turn to for encouragement, such as family and friends, and/or a professional relationship with a counselor, minister, or medical doctor.  
• A person can discover the inner strength that all people possess. 

When you are in crisis and pain, pray for strength.  Ask God to empower you with HIS strength.  Allow the Bible and other materials to become His lifeline to you.  Get with other people! Fellowship with friends and family are a reminder that life is so much bigger than us, and what we’re going through.  Seek out counselors and other professionals, to address emotional injuries, so that the pain can heal. 

Tears will fall.  Life will happen.  Pain will come. Pray for the strength to handle it.

“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." 1 Chronicles 16:11

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” Ernest Hemingway

THE POWER OF PERSEVERANCE |

I set my alarm clock for 4 AM. This was one time I could not be late. The drive from Raleigh, North Carolina to Lynchburg, VA would take at least 2 and ½ hours, and I wanted to be on time, and in place for my graduation. It was May 13, 2017.  My cap and gown, along with my camera and other items were already packed and placed neatly in the car.  It was a particularly dark morning, with rain in the forecast, which made me dread the routes consisting mostly of two lane roads.  About 30 minutes into my drive, it began to pour down raining. I was now struggling to see even with my windshield wipers on the fastest setting, as I continued on the dark narrow road.  Typically, I’m not a fearful traveler, and I'm certainly not afraid of the road. I will get in my car and drive almost anywhere. I must have inherited that from my mom.  But on this dark and rainy morning, I felt a hint of fear... I thought to myself, what if something happens to me out here in this darkness? What if I have a flat tire or some other type of emergency?  The what if's continued for a few moments before I finally silenced them. I reminded myself why I was in the car that early in the morning, in the dark and rain, heading to Lynchburg, Virginia. I was heading to the 2017 commencement being held at Liberty University.  

I made it a point to redirect my thoughts, turned on some good music, and trekked on through the storm.  After all, this was a big day for me. It was the culmination, and celebration of a five-year journey. Making a decision to go back to school after having dropped out of college over 30 years ago was no small feat. In 2016 I was honored to become the proud recipient of my BS in Psychology. Now, one year later, after having put in the work, I was ready to receive my MA degree in Pastoral Counseling. After all of the reading, quizzes, writing posts, and papers, I was not going to deny myself this celebration despite any difficulties that were present in my life. The thing is, for this particular celebration no friends, or family were going to be there to celebrate with me. For numerous reasons, no one was available to attend this ceremony with me. Honestly? Initially I felt bad about that. Let's just tell the truth. This was a big deal, and I wanted somebody to share the moment with me. I wanted someone to stop what they were doing, change their schedule around, and figure out how to show up at my graduation and just simply share the moment with me. But, because I love the people in my life so dearly, I stepped back and realized that whatever was going on in their lives was just as important, if not more so, than my graduation.  It wasn't about anybody else, it wasn't about anybody being there, it was about me realizing that it was time for me to be proud of myself whether or not anybody else was there to be proud of me. I'm not sure how you feel about things like this, but in the past, I have put a lot of emphasis on other people’s feelings about my failures, or successes. I've since learned, we each must find ways to celebrate ourselves, and/or repair ourselves in the absence of others.

As the sun came up, the rain began to subside. I was very happy about that because I was really looking forward to the graduation being outdoors on the field.  As I approached the University, I noticed large and small groups, of families and friends posing for pictures, assisting graduates with putting on their caps and gowns, and carrying their extra items for them.  Because of the rain, and the heavy amount of traffic heading into the University, I arrived later than I had initially planned for. Wondering where I would park, and how far I would have to walk, I whispered a prayer as I approached a traffic light. I rolled down my window and yelled out, "Excuse me sir? Where do you think I might be able to park?" He pointed directly across the street to a restaurant parking lot and said, "for today, you are allowed to park there." I rushed into the lot, went to the rear, and guess what? There was only one spot left. It was just for me. I knew at that moment this was going to be a good day, and that everything was going to be fine. To my surprise, the lot I chose to park in, was directly across the street in front of where the graduates were lining up. So not only did I have a parking space amid all the thousands of people that were there still searching, but I had a great parking space in close proximity to where I needed to be. I jumped out of the car put on my cap and gown BY MYSELF, grabbed my things and proceeded to join the other graduates in line. I walked in with my head up and a huge smile on my face. I smiled at everyone I passed, and nodded at anyone who looked my way. I said hello to strangers, and congratulations to my fellow graduates.